Dugong idiots

Save this silly, dickheaded creature.I wrote an e-mail to my local MP because I read this and I like dugongs. I’m not sure if native hunting of them is the prime cause of their endangered status, but I would like some action and to learn more.

I adapted Animals Australia’s campaign e-mail text and altered it to suit me. You could do the same. Feel free to attach my dugong picture too if you like.

Dear Ms Kelly O’Dwyer.

I was surprised to learn that ‘traditional hunting’ of endangered and vulnerable native Australian animals is legal. This includes beautiful and iconic animals like some species of wombat, sea turtles, dugongs, cassowaries and flying foxes.

Apparently there’s only a few hundred dugongs left around here. They are idiots. They eat shrubbery and smile all the time.

Typical conservative ideology dictates they be turned into hats or ground up to feed more responsible, murderous animals. I hope for more from you, despite, as always, the fact that you have to do little to keep our fabulously blue-ribbon Liberal seat.

I support a change to legislation that makes it illegal for anyone to hunt or kill endangered and vulnerable native animals. That includes idiot dugongs.

Please act swiftly in supporting this important change, and help protect these iconic, blubbery morons.

I want my kids to be able to see them, and more importantly, I want them to be able to have fabulous herbivore sex in places neither I nor my future children are allowed anywhere near. That’s right, I want to be restricted from doing something and/or being somewhere. I am not a libertarian. I am not part of your base. I mean nothing to your life.

Save the idiot dugongs anyway. They deserve to live, if only so we can continue to laugh at them. Do we laugh at dodos any more? No.

Thank you.

We must help the dugong, because they can’t help themselves. Look at their scientific name: Dugong dugon. They called themselves the same thing twice and can’t even spell it.

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