Eight Useful, Handy Tips On How To Write A List Of Handy, Useful Tips On The Internet

We’ve all seen lists of “tips” or “hints” on the internet, because they come up every time you search for info.

They are written by arseholes who think that, to be noticed on the Web, you need to be “an expert on something”. They’ve read that the best way to do that is to write a list of handy tips about their topic of interest. So I’ve written a handy list of tips to keep in mind when you’re writing your own list of tips to keep in mind about your topic of interest!



1. Think of a topic about which you can write five to ten really obvious bits of advice (or, “tips”).



2. Make sure the topic is one that people are searching for information about on Google.

The way to figure this out is to go to Google Insights For Search, search for how many people are Googling “porn”, then search all the topics you have a clue about. Pick the one whose level of worldwide interest is closest to “porn”.



3. Write five to ten fairly obvious bits of advice on your chosen topic.

Remember that people are selfish. They want their information boiled down to the very basics so they don’t have to read ACTUAL information, which often spills over from simple sentences into long sentences with big words, and, sometimes, even into paragraphs.

Nobody likes paragraphs, because those often appear in “books”, which are a bit old and smell funny.



4. More important than the content of your list of tips is the catchy title for your list of tips. Try to include one or several of the following: TIPS, TRICKS, HINTS, HANDY, SURVIVAL, HOUSEHOLD, MUST-KNOW, USEFUL, SAVE, HOTTEST, PORN



5. If your list of tips appears a bit drab and lacking in internet search glitz, pop a few highly-searched terms in wherever is convenient. For example:

“When curing your salami, be sure to cover the entire surface area in rock salt. Don’t miss any IPAD KINDLE NOOKS or crannies, even though putting your fingers in them might cause you to FACEBOOK unwelcome thoughts about LADY GAGA‘s vaginal folds.”



6. Even better than short sentences with small words are pictures. Come up with an image to illustrate each of your handy tips. Don’t worry about whether you’re “stealing” that photo of Justin Bieber, because this is the Internet and there’s no such thing as copyright and information wants to be free and Anonymous Wikileaks Billy Idol cyberpunk.



7. Put your list of tips on your blog. Be sure to spread word about your list of tips by talking it up on social media, at your office, around your house and by leaving dozens of iPads on park benches with your blog post already loaded up.



8. Be sure to solicit for blog comments at the end by asking “How have YOU solved this problem?”, or “What do YOU think?”

This is known as a “call to action”, and it makes it look like you give a shit what people think. If nobody posts any comments, post a few yourself under false names:

“Rajesh says: This is great advie, thank for sharing !!!”


Have you written a successful list of handy tips? How did you do it? Share what YOU think!

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