This plan didn’t work out

Subject: About entering the AFI awards
From: David Blumenstein
Date: 28/05/2005 12:17 AM
To: XXXXXX@afi.org.au

Hi,

I completed a short animated film in October of last year which I would like to enter in the AFI awards. The film was made for what one might describe as “a pittance” (under two thousand dollars). The film is called “Herman, The Legal Labrador”, and stars Shaun Micallef, Adam Wajnberg, Katrina Mathers and Santo Cilauro, among others. All cast and crew worked for nothing, and I spent around two and a half years, on and off, completing “Herman”.

The finished film is 22 minutes long, so by your rules of entry I gather the entry fee would be $330. This is about a quarter of the film’s original budget. The idea of spending this much money in order to have a slim chance at recognition for my film (which, despite not being the greatest film ever made, has a certain winning charm), galls me less than the thought of the money being used to provide a high quality of Balsamic vinaigrette for Jackie O’s salad at the awards night.

I am not asking you waive your fee. My thought is that you will agree that it is somewhat unfair to ask a director to pay more to enter his film in a contest than he paid his film’s lead actor. My lead actor is Shaun Micallef, and he, good soul that he must be, declined my offer of payment. However, I will make you the same offer I made to him when I asked that he play the villain in “Herman”: if you will accept my film as an entrant in the awards, I will give you $58.

I’m straight up about this. As a member of Australia’s film/TV industry, I recognise the AFI awards as the premier acknowledgement of excellence in our field, and therefore want my film to have the chance of being considered. As a low, low-budget filmmaker, it disappoints me that, although excellence can be produced from nothing, films that come from nothing are disadvantaged, the entry fee no doubt considered a gauge of how “serious” the filmmaker is about entering. And as an admittedly arrogant and egotistical person, it galls me that, undoubtedly, far worse films than mine will be considered for (and perhaps even awarded) your honours (and I know they will, as I’ve seen an Australian movie in the last twelve months).

So, in all possible seriousness, I offer you $58 as my entry fee. Will you accept it? As a concession to you, I would accept, were I nominated for an award, a side salad at the ceremony rather than a full meal, and, were I awarded a statuette, I would accept a smaller or more cheaply constructed one.

I await your reply.

Regards,
David Blumenstein
Director
“Herman, The Legal Labrador”
http://www.herman.nakedfella.com/

Related posts:

1. BG design
2. Anti-Procrasto Week
3. Recording Session 03
4. Tweeted on 2009-12-20
5. My Day Job